El Lechero (The Milkman)

My husband calls me multiple times per day from work. He calls on his break time, at lunch time, and then before he leaves to come home. He’s done this our entire marriage. As a chica who values her space, sometimes I’ve become annoyed because I felt he was being controlling but he insists he just misses me, and so I’ve grown accustomed to it. At this point, if he doesn’t call me for some reason, I become worried that something has happened to him.

Well, my husband has been working at the new job for a month now and the Mexican guys he works with have become comfortable enough with him to give him a hard time. They’ve noticed his phone habits and now they tease him. While we’re on the phone, his co-workers do lewd things with bananas from their lunch boxes. Then when he gets off the phone with me they ask him, “So, how is your woman? Is the lechero doing a good job with her?” (They think he is checking on me for macho reasons, so they like to insinuate that I’m not faithful in the hopes of getting him a bit riled up, I guess.)

Yesterday, the littlest guy in the group, Marcos, decided to tell a joke which he dedicated to Mr. López. I don’t know if he made it up or not. Here it is:

There is a man who is unemployed and his wife is complaining to him that he needs to find work. She nags him all morning to hurry up and get dressed and go job hunting. She pushes him out the door with a quick kiss on the cheek saying, “Good luck, my love! … Remember, don’t come back until you’ve found work.”

So the husband leaves but shortly the doorbell rings and another man arrives. The woman begins kissing him passionately as soon as he comes in the door. They go to the bedroom, but then the doorbell rings again.

“Hurry!” she says, “Go hide up on the top of the canopy of the bed and don’t come down until I say so.”

So the man climbs up to the top of the bed and hides.

Another man is at the door. He comes in and the woman begins kissing him passionately, too. They come into the bedroom but soon they hear the front door opening.

“Quick!” she says, “Go hide under the bed and don’t come out until I say so.”

So the second man crawls under the bed and hides just in time before the husband comes in.

“What are you doing home so soon?” the wife says. “I told you not to come back until you found work!”

The husband comes into the bedroom, throws his keys on the table and takes off his jacket. “I looked everywhere already. There’s no work out there.”

The wife begins to nag him, “But how will we pay the rent and all our bills? We don’t have enough money!”

The husband hugs his wife and reassures her, “Don’t worry, The Big Man Upstairs will take care of it.”

The man on top of the bed speaks up, “Hey! If I have to help with the bills, the guy under the bed has to chip in, too!”

Posted on March 17, 2010, in el macho, humor, sex and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. ahahahaha!

    That’s sweet that he phones, mine calls once a day too. He knows I get lonely at home all day (but not THAT lonely — wink-wink) And since he leaves in the morning before I get up, it’s a way for him to say “good morning” too.

  2. Awe, my beau does that too :)

    In fact if I don’t call for a while he gets worried and eventually anxiety takes over so I make it a point to call him too :)

    I think it’s a sweet way to show you care too

  3. Now that we have new Blackberry’s, we text each other quick notes, pics of the kids, apologies, funny jokes, and lewd come-ons (my favorite). He doesn’t mind because it has spell check, so he doesn’t have to work to hard, and we don’t interrupt the others day by phoning, just checking our messages as we can. On days he doesn’t drive (he carpools) he calls me to tell me he is headed home and to hear any current issues/instructions/requests I have, like pick up Cateyes from your sisters or bring home some milk. It has sparked a whole new side to our relationship.

  4. Yo Tee, I think your man is a very loving and very responsible too.

    I called my Mom everyday without fail at about noon from work as she is alone during that time and once, I don’t call when I was engaged in a meeting. When she didn’t hear from me, she got worried too.

    My guy don’t call from work anymore because of close proximity to all the rest of the co-workers. He will usually email or text that’s all.

  5. My husband tries to call me every day too. Some days it drives me nuts, but most of the time I like it.

  6. Wow, there’s a lot of love in this group.

    As a funny footnote, I can’t say “I love you” when he calls, because then he has to say “you too” which results in harrassment and smoochy noises from his coworkers (he hates that). So we keep it simple and save the lovey stuff for home.

    I doesn’t help that he works in the same department as his dad (he is the worst of the bunch for razzing).

  7. When I was newly wed my husband used to do that, of course after the honey moon was over he stopped; then after the baby was born, he would called almost every hour, that drove me crzy. Now he just call once a day when he know were got home since he works second shift.

    My husband and I have dark hair and my little one red hair, so when people look at us they gives kind of puzzle looks and ask “Where he got the red hair from?
    Our answer “The milkman’

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