Cómo volver a ser feliz

I am usually a nice person but lately that doesn’t come naturally to me. I find myself getting frustrated and angry too easily. The worst part is that I know that the things that are upsetting me are cositas – little things. I feel like my tolerance and patience levels have dropped like the out-going tide before a tsunami. I’m not quisquillosa, yet lately if anyone so much as breaths the wrong way near me, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.

I think the problem is that I’m introverted, and introverted people require time alone to recharge. With Suegra living with us, plus the niños home for the summer, I never get that. It exhausts me to never be able to complete a thought without the kids barging in and asking me for a snack while a telenovela blasts from the television in the next room.

Last night I found myself kicking a soccer ball up against the wall in the bedroom repeatedly for a solid 15 minutes in order to compose myself. This has become one of my coping mechanisms. My husband used to chide me as if I were a niña playing ball in the house. He used to say I’d damage the walls. Now he leaves me alone because a damaged wall is better than the alternative.

Today even kicking the soccer ball didn’t make me feel better and when my husband came home, I explained to him how I was feeling… He listened until I was finished and then after a minute, he offered to buy me ice cream.

I can see why he thought ice cream was the solution. Ice cream has been the solution in the past and why stray from a tactic that works? But I had to explain to him why ice cream wouldn’t fix this. Of course, my calm, rational explanation came out more like, “I don’t want ice cream! I want to be alone!”, followed by sobbing.

My husband handed over the car keys and told me to go.

I got into the car and started to drive, sin rumbo y sin dirección. I listened to bachata music and just enjoyed the luxury of uninterrupted thought. Eventually I stopped in a parking lot, pulled out the moleskine journal a friend gave me earlier this year and began to write.

So, today I finally got that pedacito of solitude I needed, but I go to bed knowing that mañana is another day and I won’t always get to escape to a deserted parking lot. Tomorrow I may just have to settle for ice cream, but I’m prepared to demand sprinkles.

“Cómo volver a ser feliz…
Cuando este día se parece al fin del mundo?
Cómo volver a ser feliz…
Si tu partida me ha tirado a lo profundo?
Solo tú sabes mi amor….
Cómo volver a ser feliz…

Más que hablar
Solo intento despertar algún motivo en tu conciencia
Solo quiero en recompensa encontrar lo que tú eras…
Cómo?”

-Luis Enrique/Cómo Volver a Ser Feliz

Posted on July 7, 2010, in Corazón, el macho, humor, niños, suegra, women, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. Nena, el marido y los niños es algo voluntario, la jodía suegra is difficult to handle, in your case. So is mine.
    I wouldn’t be able to live with her… begh.

    Lo bueno es que ya tienes esa válvula de escae, y si lo haces bien, puede ser maravillosa, contorneas tu cuerpo con el futbol, sacas más aún a flote el mercado heladil, y encima, si play hard, you can become a soccer star.

    Nuestra nueva Cristinana Ronalda :)

    Besitos.

  2. I used to get the same way. Now, I just hop on a lawnmower or go paint something or glue something. Some day, you’ll have all the solitude you are craving right now. I promise! It will make it that much sweeter too.

  3. I am so sorry to hear this and yes, you need all the space to be alone and to be able to vent out your frustration. Last month, I was feeling likewise and after two weeks when I did some soul-searching, I knew I have to ‘pick up’ and move on…like there is a lesson to be learnt.

    I am sure you’ll find comfort in ice-cream all the more so from your hubby and I’m sure there’ll be sunshine soon. Chin up pal :D

  4. I’m as snappy as a rabid badger lately. Dang kids are driving me up a wall, stress about the car situation, I’m all beat up and the strangest thing will cause pain, which angers me, and every other day I’m carless, causing me to feel trapped, isolated, and needy. Not fun, especially if you throw in PMS and female troubles. Mix in some “Majorily broke” and you got a recipe for disaster my friend. My eldest is grounded to her room all day (for the first time) and it’s crossed my mind a couple times to ground myself instead. :/

  5. I have the solution: Manda a tu suegra al carajo y dile que se lleve a los niños. Jajajaja
    Good thoughts, my friend, good thoughts.

  6. Cheer up, Señora López!

    And kuddos to your husband for giving you a bit of a break. But do remind him that it is his mamá who should go for a long ride, far, far away, for a long while, if possible. Sounds like you all need it.

    Wouldn’t it be funny if we discovered your suegra also has a blog? MiPincheLatinaishNuera.com? (I know you like the word “pinche”).

    Ruben

    • Señora López

      @ Ruben – OMG, you have no idea how hard you made me laugh. Even days later, while I’m out shopping or cooking dinner, I will randomly remember the URL of Suegra’s blog that you made up and I smile.

  7. I’m having a not so GREAT day.

    On “vacation” at my parents’ place – my two kids are here (ages 11 and 3) – along with MORE children: 2 year old, 11 year old and 10 year old.

    I want some peace and quiet, damnit, and my mom wants all the family together playing and laughing and loving…

    That’s fine – but must we do this DAILY??

    Well stepdad went to the man cave (basement) -and my mom went to her room to watch a movie.

    WTH…

    Deep breaths…deep breaths…

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