Category Archives: humor

Taxi Latino

Today is Spanish Friday so this post is in Spanish. If you participated in Spanish Friday on your own blog, leave your link in comments. English translation is in italics!

Hace unas semanas fuimos manejando en la carretera, (quién sabe a dónde), y vimos este coche junto a nosotros.

The other week we were driving along the highway, (on our way to who knows where), and we spotted this car driving next to us.

Dice: Taxi Latino, “Todos los pasajeros viajan por el precio de uno.”
It says: Taxi Latino, “All passengers ride for the price of one.”

Yo ni siquiera voy a hacer una broma. La foto habla por sí misma.
I’m not even going to make a joke. The photo speaks for itself.

Amigos, fútbol, tamales y agua de uva

Today is Spanish Friday so this post is in Spanish. If you participated in Spanish Friday on your own blog, leave your link in comments. English translation at the bottom!

Carlos no es tímido, pero es algo antisocial. Uno no pensaría esto si uno lo encuentra porque él es un tipo simpático, agradable, pero la mera neta es que él prefiere pasar el tiempo con la familia y la gente que ya conoce muy bien.

Yo estoy lo contrario. Por naturaleza soy tímida pero me obligo a no actuar en el impulso de quedarme solita. Pasar tiempo alrededor de un montón de gente me agota, pero por iqual, me encanta vivir nuevas experiencias y tengo curiosidad por los demás.

Por eso, yo estaba sorprendida y feliz la semana pasada cuándo Carlos me dijo que unos de sus compañeros de trabajo nos invitaron a su apartamento y después a jugar fútbol. Bueno, ellos nos han invitaron un par de veces antes pero Carlos siempre no queria ir. Esta vez, (no sé por qué) él me preguntó si me gustaría aceptar la invitación. Mi repuesta fue, “Por supuesto! ¡Por fin!”

Así que fuimos viernes por la tarde al apartamento de su compañero, Mando. Ya conocia a él, su eposa e hijo porque fuimos una vez al cumple del niño, pero eso fue ya dos años pasados y ahora ellos están viviendo en un nuevo lugar.

Nos sentamos en las sillas del comedor y Mando abrió las ventanas para que la brisa entrara porque ellos no tienen aire acondicionado. Después, como buen anfitrión, Mando nos ofreció tamales; cuando aceptó con entusiasmo, él desapareció detrás de una cortina que divide la sala y comedor de la cocina.

Miré las paredes de la casa mientras yo esperaba. En una pared desnuda de otro modo había colgado un póster grande en un cuadro plastico. Era el tipo de póster que pueden verse en el pasillo de una escuela. El póster mostraba un águila con una bandera americana ondeando en el fondo – en la parte de abajo en una fuente blanca y con letras mayúsculas, decia: “COURAGE” (coraje) … Me pregunté si sabían lo que significa, ya que no hablan mucho inglés. De cualquier manera, me tocó ver ese póster en su apartamento – Me pareció simbólico.

Mando regresó con un plato de poliestireno lleno de tamales envueltas en papel aluminio. Él puso un vaso en la mesa. “¿Agua?” preguntó, sosteniendo una jarra de líquido morado. Le permití que me sirve un vaso de “agua” morada, aunque yo no tenía idea de lo que era. Resulto ser “agua de uva”, pero Mando y los otros compañeros se refieren a la bebida simplemente como “agua”.

Después de comer, fuimos a la cancha. Allí me senté en la banca con las otras mujeres y niños, mientras que los hombres jugaban. “¿Las mujeres nunca juegan?” le pregunté a la esposa de Mando. Ella me miró como si yo fuera un poco rara, pero con una sonrisa amable ella negó con la cabeza. Me molesto un poco que no podía jugar fútbol también pero lo acepté para no avergonzar a Carlos o hacer incómodos nuestros nuevos amigos.

En vez de jugar, saqué fotos, (lo cual era, probablemente, también una extraña cosa gringa que hacer.)

¡Qué hermosa es la cancha? ¿No están de acuerdo que parece a El Salvador o de algún país lejano? Esto en realidad es Pensilvania.

Pasé la tarde y la noche hablando con las mujeres y jugando con los niños. La esposa de Mando está embarazada y hablamos sobre nombres de bebé entre otras cosas personales. Ella me habló sobre su familia en México y se ofreció a enseñarme cómo hacer una salsa especial que hace. Se sentía bien hacer una amiga, observar cosas nuevas y experimentar la bondad de los demás pero salió la luna y todos los hombres proclamarón que estaban agotados, así que nos regresamos a casa.

Lo mejor? Carlos dice que podemos hacer esto todos los viernes.

[ENGLISH TRANSLATION]

Carlos isn’t shy, but he’s kind of antisocial. You wouldn’t think that if you met him because he’s a nice, likeable guy, but the simple truth is that he prefers spending time with family and people he already knows very well.

I’m kind of the opposite. By nature I’m shy but I force myself not to act on the urge to stay to myself. Spending time around a lot of people exhausts me, but just as much, I love new experiences and I’m curious about others.

So I was surprised and happy last week when Carlos told me that one of his co-workers invited us to their apartment and then to play soccer. Well, they have invited us a couple of times before but Carlos has always refused to go. This time, (I don’t know why) Carlos asked me if I wanted to accept the invitation. My response was, “Of course! Finally!”

So Friday afternoon we went to the apartment of his friend, Mando. I had met him, his wife and son before because we went once to the child’s birthday party, but that was already two years ago and now they live in a different place.

We sat in mismatched chairs and Mando opened the windows so the breeze could come in because they don’t have air conditioning. Then, good host that he is, Mando asked if we’d like tamales; when I accepted with enthusiasm, he disappeared behind a curtain that divides the dining and living room from the kitchen.

I looked at the walls of the house while I waited. On an otherwise bare wall hung a large poster in a plastic frame. It was the kind of poster one might see in the hallway of a school. The poster showed an eagle with an American flag waving in the background – at the bottom in a white font and in capital letters, it said: “COURAGE” …I wondered if they know what is says since they don’t speak much English. Either way, it touched me to see that poster in their apartment – It seemed symbolic.

Mando returned with a styrofoam plate filled with foil-wrapped tamales. He put a glass on the table. “Agua?” he asked, holding a jug of purple liquid. I allowed him to serve me a glass of purple “water”, although I had no idea what it was. Turns out it was “agua de uva,” [a type of grape juice] but Mando and the others refer to the drink as simply “agua.”

After we ate, we went to the soccer field. There I sat on the sidelines with the other women and children while the men played. “Do women ever play?” I asked the wife of Mando. She looked at me like I was a bit odd, but with a friendly smile she shook her head. I got a little annoyed that I couldn’t play soccer as well but I accepted it, not wanting to embarrass Carlos or make our new friends uncomfortable.

Instead of playing, I took pictures, (which was probably also a strange gringa thing to do.)

How beautiful is the soccer field? Doesn’t it look like it could be El Salvador or some distant country? This is actually Pennsylvania.

I spent the afternoon and evening talking with the women and playing with the children. Mando’s wife is pregnant and so we talked about baby names and other personal things. She opened up to me about her family in Mexico and offered to teach me how to make a special salsa that she makes. It felt good to make friends, see new things and experience the kindness of others but soon the moon came out and the men proclaimed that they were exhausted, so we went home.

The best part? Carlos says we can do this every Friday.

Sniglets for Latinos

Image source: sAeroZar

When I was a kid I discovered a book at my grandparents’ house called “Sniglets” by comedian Rich Hall. The book explained that a sniglet is “any word that doesn’t appear in the dictionary, but should” and was full of humorous made-up examples, such as:

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib’ re um) – n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.

Cheedle (chee’ dul) – n. The residue left on one’s fingertips after consuming a bag of Cheetos.

Nurge (nerj) v. – To inch closer to a stoplight thinking that will cause it to change quicker.

Purpitation (per pi TAY shun) – v. To take something off the grocery shelf, decide you don’t want it, and then put it in another section.

Shmiddle – (n) The hole in the center of a bagel. “The cream cheese was oozing out from the shmiddle.”

Snargle (snar’ gul) – v. To lessen the visual impact of a horror movie by filtering it through one’s fingers.

[more here]

After I discovered that book of Sniglets as a kid, I began trying to come up with my own and had a lot of fun doing it. I don’t remember any of the ones I invented back then but I decided I wanted to come up with some today – except I wanted to put a new spin on it. How about Sniglets for Spanish/English bilinguals? Here are a few I thought up.

Sniglets for Latinos

Ranchteza – (ranch-tay-sa – noun) the sadness one feels while listening to classic Mexican Ranchera music that they enjoy but depresses them nonetheless. Example: I love to hear Pedro Infante sing Cu-cu-rru-cu-cú Paloma, but it causes me to feel some major ranchteza.

Bilingaffe – (by-ling-gaff – noun) when a bilingual person unintentionally uses the grammar of their second language when saying something in their native language, resulting in odd speech. Example: The other day when Carlos asked me why I wasn’t eating I said, “It’s that I don’t have hunger” and immediately cracked up laughing because my brain thought “Es que no tengo hambre” but my tongue spoke English – I made a bilingaffe.

Inglespond – (en-glay-spond – verb) when children respond in English even though they’ve been spoken to in Spanish. Example: I asked my daughter “¿Dónde está tu chaqueta?” and she inglesponded, “I left it at school.”

OVNI-plato – (ohv-nee-plah-to – noun) the plate of food one takes home from a party, which usually consists of a styrofoam or paper plate inverted on top of another styrofoam plate and wrapped in foil or plastic wrap. Could contain pastel de tres leches or main dishes such as tamales, carne asada, arroz, & other sides. Example: Hey, Ramón, make sure you bring me home an OVNI-plato from Silvia’s party!

Dulcovery (dools-covery – noun) a piece of candy one finds in the grass, discovered long after the breaking of a piñata. Example: Look at this, dulcovery! I found a Bubu Lubu over by the lilac bush – must be from Estefany’s cumple last week.

Your turn! Leave me some “Sniglets for Latinos” in the comments! Feel free to mix it up – use English and/or Spanish words to come up with your own word!

Mamá Americana, Niño Latino

After a busy weekend with friends, today we’re just watching a fútbol game, (Manchester United vs. Swansea City), and relaxing. On a commercial break this commercial in Spanish from Kraft Mac & Cheese came on and it was so cute, I knew I had to share it here.

Disclosure: This is not a sponsored or paid post. I shared this video because I like it. Congrats to the people at Kraft for not only making a great commercial but for having the smarts to make it available online so people can share it via social media. Other companies, take note – this is how it’s done.

Cinco de Mayo Humor

Today is Spanish Friday so this post is in Spanish. If you participated in Spanish Friday on your own blog, leave your link in comments. English translation at the bottom!

Hola gringos! Listos para celebrar cinco de mayo este fin de semana? Bueno, por los que no son gringos, les explico por qué celebramos el aniversario de una batalla en Puebla, México. La mayoría de la gente celebra cinco de mayo en los Estados Unidos no más por tener excusa tomar cerveza, margaritas, y tequila, disfrutar de música mariachi, vestirnos en sombreros y sarapes y comer comida “mexicana” (estilo estado unidense, todo cubierto en queso y salsa.) Eso es!

Y sí, sabemos que somos un poco ridículos – hasta podemos reírnos de nosotros mismos!

[ENGLISH TRANSLATION]

Hola gringos! Ready to celebrate Cinco de Mayo this weekend? Well, for those of you who aren’t gingos, let me explain to you why we celebrate the anniversary of a battle in Puebla, Mexico. The majority of the people in the United States celebrate Cinco de Mayo just to have an excuse to drink beer, margaritas and tequila, enjoy mariachi music, get dressed up in sombreros and sarapes, and eat “Mexican” food (American-style, all covered in cheese and salsa.) That’s it!

And yes, we know we’re a little ridiculous – we can even laugh at ourselves.

How Bilingual Siblings Argue

A photo of kitty siblings fighting, because it's cuter than human boys fighting.
Image source: Tambako the Jaguar

(Overheard conversation between my two sons yesterday.)

13 year old: Ugh! My hair is being so stupid! It won’t do what I want it to!
10 year old: I hate when I can’t style my hair, too.
13 year old: Ha! I wish I had your hair! You have good hair!
10 year old: Does that mean you think I’m bonito?
13 year old: No, you’re still feo.
10 year old: What?! … Well, you’re feo-er!
13 year old: You’re the más feo del mundo.
10 year old: Well, you’re feo to the luna and back!

You realize how badly you want your kids to be bilingual when you make no attempt to break up the argument but instead smile that they’re insulting each other in Spanglish.

Sopa de Res

I’m not usually one to deprive Carlos of a food he is craving if it’s in my abilities to make it. As old-fashioned as it may seem, making food for Carlos and the boys and watching them enjoy it is one of my favorite things. That being said, when Carlos requested Sopa de Res the other day, (something I make for the family often in the winter) I found it strange enough that I didn’t want to make it.

“Sopa de res?” I said, “But it’s summertime! It’s hot out!”

“What’s wrong with that?” Carlos said.

“You don’t eat stew in the summer – that’s just weird. Soups and stews are for fall and winter. They warm you up and comfort you when you’re cold.”

“Well, I don’t think like that,” Carlos reminded me. “In El Salvador the weather is always hot so when are we supposed to eat soup?”

I realized he had a point and bought what I needed to make Sopa de Res on Friday. As I make it right now, the weather seems to have obliged with my “soup eating rules.” It has been cold and rainy all weekend.

sopa de res caldo

SOPA DE RES

Ingredients:

1 to 2 lbs. stew meat
2 tablespoons Canola oil
salt, pepper to taste
1 onion, chopped
4 cups vegetable broth
14 oz. chunky salsa (whichever kind you like)
1 to 2 cups baby carrots
2 cups chopped potatoes (whichever kind you like)
2 to 3 corn cobs broken in thirds, (1 cup frozen/canned corn can be substituted)
1/2 small cabbage chopped in wedges

sliced pickled jalapeños
handful fresh cilantro, washed and chopped
fresh lime wedges

Method:

Brown meat and onion in oil in a large soup pot. Season with salt and pepper.

Add broth and salsa. Meat should be slightly covered, if not, add water until it is.

Bring to a boil then lower heat. Simmer, loosely covered until meat is cooked and tender.

Add carrots and potatoes – Continue simmering until these are tender.

Add corn cobs. Simmer until corn is cooked.

Add cabbage and cook until tender, (not soggy!)

Ladle into bowls. Add cilantro to each bowl. Serve with a wedge of lime to squeeze on top and warm homemade tortillas. If you like it spicy, add some pickled jalapeños.

Recipe adapted from: Caldo de Res

Spanglish Mentiras

For years my younger son has had the habit of crawling into my lap at the dinner table after he finishes eating. I don’t remember why, how or when this started – I only know that he’s a big 10 year old now with unwieldy limbs, and this tradition is becoming uncomfortable. This is the conversation we had at breakfast this morning.

10 year old: Let me sit with you!

Me: No, ahorita no, this chair isn’t built for two people. La silla se va a quebrar.

10 year old: Por fa? I’ll wash the dishes!

Me: Mentira!

10 year old: I’m not mentira-ing, I really will!

I love his Spanglish, but his Spanish is getting better when he chooses to use it – His bribing skills though, are quite advanced. Check out a post I wrote for SpanglishBaby called, The Lesser Known Dangers of Bribing a Bilingual Child.

Online Translator Fail

Today is Spanish Friday so this post is in Spanish. If you participated in Spanish Friday on your own blog, leave your link in comments. Scroll down for English translation!

Cosas extrañas suceden en el trabajo de Carlos – A veces la razón es porque la mitad de los empleados son inglés-hablantes nacidos en Estados Unidos y la otra mitad son hispano-hablantes nacidos en México; Carlos cae en el medio – un bilingüe salvadoreño.

Usualmente el jefe y la gente que trabajan en la oficina, utilizan a Carlos como traductor cuándo necesitan mandar un mensaje a los que trabajan en el taller, pero recientemente la secretaria ha querido hacer traducciones solita con la ayuda de un traductor en línea y ella le gusta colocar carteles en las paredes para todos los temas imaginables.

Aquí hay una cartel en la puerta de un baño. Por alguna razón el jefe quiere que sólo utilizan este baño para orinar.

Un buen recordatorio: Si tienes acceso a un hablante nativo, por favor, confíen en él en vez de usar un traductor en línea.

[ENGLISH]

Strange things happen in Carlos’s work – Sometimes the reason is because half of the employees are U.S. born English-speakers and half are Spanish-speakers from Mexico; Carlos falls in the middle – a bilingual Salvadoran.

Usually the boss and the people working in the office use Carlos as a translator when they need to send a message to those working in the shop, but recently the secretary has wanted to do translations alone with the help of an online translator. She likes to put signs up on the walls on every imaginable topic.

Here’s a sign on the door of a bathroom. For some reason the boss wants the employees to use this bathroom only to urinate.

A good reminder: If you have access to a native speaker, please, trust in them instead of using an online translator.

Google Translate Say What?

Photo adapted by Latinaish.com / Image source: Joe Benjamin

When I read this article about Google Translate giving some funny translations on German idioms, I knew I would have to try some Spanish dichos. Here we go!

______________________________________________________________

Dicho: Camarón que se duerme, se lo lleva la corriente.

Google Translate: Shrimp that falls asleep, he takes power.

Google Translate has apparently translated the word “corriente” as electrical current rather than the current of the tide. A proper translation would be “Shrimp that sleeps is taken away by the current” – which has the same meaning as the English idiom “You snooze, you lose.”

______________________________________________________________

Dicho: A mal tiempo, buena cara.

Google Translate: A cloud has a silver face.

I can not even begin to tell you what Google Translate did here. The literal translation should be, “In bad times, good face.” The meaning is to put on a brave face during difficult times.

______________________________________________________________

Dicho: A quién madruga, Dios le ayuda.

Google Translate: Who gets up early, God help him.

This one isn’t quite wrong exactly, but the tone of it makes it funny. It could be read almost like it means waking up early is so awful, one would need God’s help to do it. (Like, “Ugh, the alarm clock is going off! God help me, I want to sleep in!”)

A better translation would be, “He who wakes early, God helps.” The meaning is similar to the English saying, “God helps those who help themselves” or “The early bird catches the worm.”

______________________________________________________________

Dicho: Más vale ser cabeza de ratón que cola de león.

Google Translate: Better be the head of lion-tailed mouse.

What?! No, no, no. I have no idea how Google Translate could screw up such an uncomplicated phrase. This should say, “Better to be a mouse’s head than a lion’s tail.”

What in the world does that mean? That it’s better to be a leader at a lower level than to be one among many at a higher level.

______________________________________________________________

Dicho: A las mujeres bonitas y a los buenos caballos los echan a perder los pendejos.

Google Translate: A pretty women and good horses spoil assholes.

When I entered this one into Google Translate I was hoping for something funny but never imagined it would come up with this!

Here Google Translate has translated “echan a perder” to “spoil” (as in rotting food), but in this context it means “to lose.” Also, Google Translate went with “assholes” for “pendejos” … That isn’t wrong, but I would use idiots/fools in this context. The real translation: “Beautiful women and good horses are lost by idiots.”

______________________________________________________________

Got your own favorite dicho you want to try out? Head over to Google Translate and let me know if you get anything funny!

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